new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
