There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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