U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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