If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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