Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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