ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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