Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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