I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
