I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
