They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
