There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
