I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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