I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
