I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
