If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
