I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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