Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
