Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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