dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
