is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
