I think im going to throw up on grandma
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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