I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
