Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
