yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
