There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
