He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
