I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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