i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
