the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
