Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
