No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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