But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
