no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
