Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
