a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
