So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
