He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
