so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
