Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
