It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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