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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is this?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Who do you want it to be?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sarah Palin

  (407): View more from Florida

  I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde

  Fav 4 2530 876

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

  Fav 7 2954 718

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

  Fav 28 4520 1869

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me

  Fav 18 6689 1666

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

  Fav 5 3356 1720

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• (518): View more from New York

  I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.

  Fav 8 2663 800

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• (407): View more from Florida

  and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.

  Fav 1 1304 598

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.

  Fav 13 2203 683

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.

  Fav 14 1888 773

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• (713): View more from Texas

  The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...

  (818): View more from California

  were you wearing pants?

  (206): View more from Washington

  no.

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