I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
