garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
