so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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