Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
