I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
