Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
