i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm passing your future prison.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
