He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
