There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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